chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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