Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
