Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
this hospital has no fireball
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
