Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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