I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
