Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
