it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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