There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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