i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
