he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
