I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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