Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize