before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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