if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
