lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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