I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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