I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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