My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
