Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
