remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
