My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
