My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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