We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
