We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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