from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
