okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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