I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize