Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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