just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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