Betty ford says i'm here all night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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