we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
