i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
