I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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