my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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