i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
