Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
