i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize