i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
