I am in a vortex of obligation.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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