Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
