Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
