he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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