i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
