I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize