so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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