I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
