I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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