she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
