I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
