So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
