DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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