I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
