I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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