Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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