True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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