If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
