Porn is love you can see.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
