I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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