Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
