Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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