I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
