His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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