help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so let's talk penis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
