I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
