im drinking this country out of the recession.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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