I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
