Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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