im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
