Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
