remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize