Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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