Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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