I accidentally burped into my bong.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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