do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize