I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
