She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
