It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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