I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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