so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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