Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
