You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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