You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
