I got chris browned last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize