i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
