I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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