tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
