Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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