Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
