Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
