i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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