Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
