i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
