we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
