batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
