I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
