My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
