just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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