i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize